every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
