I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
