Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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