I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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