you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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