I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
