There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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