we made out on top of his cat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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