At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
