this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
