lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
