he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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