fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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