help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
