I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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