Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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