How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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