How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
