if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
