I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
