Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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