Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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