so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
