I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
