What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We don't watch enough power rangers
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
