i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
