So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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