i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
