I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
