While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
