everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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