I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
