ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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