After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
