He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
