Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
