And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
