I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I enjoy the company of your penis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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