i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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