doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
