he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I fill condoms, not promises.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
