need another drink. this is the easiest way
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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