never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
