If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's shark week go big or go home
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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