If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
