Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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