I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You are a genius and a whore.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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