you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
