he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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