the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
