Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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