she woke up with a sticky ear
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
