I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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