Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
