He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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