sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
