we have officially lost it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
