I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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