Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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